my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
is that a dick in a sweater?
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