You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize