My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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