hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
