we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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