Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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