best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
