And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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