he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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