I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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