Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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