oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
