No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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