I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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