we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
