Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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