how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
