U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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