I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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