Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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