You really coming over, don't trick.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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