i think i have two assholes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
