I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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