I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
