Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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