real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
