I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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