tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
