Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
