he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
