apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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