I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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