yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I want is dick and wine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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