If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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