I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
