he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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