oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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