dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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