at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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