You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
