Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
