feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
