mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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