i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
