So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
