The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
