Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
