I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
