i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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