i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
