About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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