i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize