Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
