that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
