haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
