You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
