do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My ass is underappreciated
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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