If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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