how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
