I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
