doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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