Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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