thus making me awesome and them whores
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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