um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
