lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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