Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
