my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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